


One of those days

by Sleepdeprived4life



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Dysphoria, Eating Disorder, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Trans Male Character, trans author, trans yaku
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:28:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27227368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sleepdeprived4life/pseuds/Sleepdeprived4life
Summary: Since the very first moment he opened his eyes and even dared breahte, Yaku knew it was one of those days.As he tried to get his act together he turned to look at the other two people in that room, Kuroo standing infront of the lockers as Kenma sat down on the floor beside him, seemingly lost in his game as usual.Yaku watched the raven contemplate the idea of smashing his head against the locker door infront of him, even going as far as to try and see how thin and unstable it was with his hands.“If you smash your head into that, you’ll break your empty skull Kuro.” Kenma spoke,
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou & Yaku Morisuke, Kuroo Tetsurou/ Kozume Kenma
Comments: 2
Kudos: 84





	One of those days

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so trigger warning for both dysphoria and eating issues and disorders if you’re easily triggered by anything amongst those line please do not read this!! I dont want anyone getting hurt!! 
> 
> That being said- please enjoy

Since the very first moment he opened his eyes and even dared breahte, Yaku knew it was one of those days. 

One of the days where he would rather curl up in his own little cocoon of misery and blankets and slowly become a mere corpse. But of course, that wasn’t an option. He was sure his mom would burst through that door yelling at him to get the hell up already in approximately five minutes, and needless to say he was not in the mood to deal with that. 

Yaku got up from his bed, the feeling of his body being the way it was made him immediately feel sick. Yes. Yes he was indeed aware of how stupid that could sound to other people, but he never talks to anyone about those things anyway. 

He got up and put on his school uniform reluctantly, walking out of the house in the early morning as usual, deciding to do the dreaded deed and skipped morning practice. 

Some of his teammates asked him why he wasn’t there that morning, Yaku throwing the laziest of excuses at them with unbothered care. 

Eventually school ended and it was time for practice, again. And there was no way he could get away with skipping again. 

“Come on Yaku, get your shit together already.”

He scolded himself as he walked into the club room to change. Ah, yes... change. 

Normally Yaku would just take his binder off like the responsible man he is and just wear a sports bra during the practice. No one really minded and he felt truly greatful for that. 

Today was a completely different story though. 

He stared at the sports bra in his hand, his stomach churning and turning in anger as he cleched his jaw so tight it even hurt a bit. He debated the idea of wearing his binder for practice, since to his dysphoria drowned brain taking it off wasn’t an option he tried to convince himself that leaving it on wasn’t an option either. 

He could just see himself breaking a rib and thus not being able to wear a binder in a month which would be even worse torture. Yet he still couldn’t bring himself to walk over to the bathrooms and take the binder off. 

As he tried to get his act together he turned to look at the other two people in that room, Kuroo standing infront of the lockers as Kenma sat down on the floor beside him, seemingly lost in his game as usual. 

Yaku watched the raven contemplate the idea of smashing his head against the locker door infront of him, even going as far as to try and see how thin and unstable it was with his hands. 

“If you smash your head into that, you’ll break your empty skull Kuro.” Kenma spoke, monotone, cold and unbothered, not even looking up at the older boy. 

“Well thanks a lot Kenma, you’re the biggest help ever.” Kuroo answered back, voice laced with sarcasm. 

“Well i already told you to go home but of course you wont listen to me so what am I supposed to do about that?” 

Kuroo let out a long sigh, resting his back against the lockers as he closed his eyes. 

“Go. Home. Kuro.” Kenma continued, getting a glare from the raven through lidded eyes. 

Yaku threw the bra into his locker and closed it with a loud bang, both Kenma and Kuroo flinching, startled by the loud sound. 

“Come on. We’re leaving.” Yaku spoke as if the other had no choice as he grabbed him by the sleeve and started to pull him away. He picked up both his bag and Kuroo’s and pulled thwm outside. 

“Yaku, what the hell is going on??” Kuroo asked, still confused as ever. 

“Call it a ‘mental health’ day.”

“And you’re taking me with you because..?” Kuroo asked again, trailing off as he waited for Yaku to finish the sentence for him. 

“Cause you were about to try and break a locker door with your head.” 

“Not true, I was about to set it free from it’s miserable locker room chains.” The raven spoke with a joking tone and a smirk on his face. 

“God, you’re unbearable.” Yaku mumbled under his breath. 

“Why did you take me with then?” Kuroo asked accusingly. 

“I actually do not know at this point, maybe you were just being a brat, but Kenma sounded way too insistent and we both know Kenma is never insistent about anything that is not important.” Yaku started to explain. “So now tell me mister Imma set this door free, what the hell is wrong with you?”

Yaku asked, his hands on his hips after he pushed the other’s bag into his chest. 

“You’re one to talk mister Imma wear my binder to practice and break a rib?” 

“I never said that.”

“You were thinking it.” 

“But I didn’t do it did I?” 

“And I didn’t break the door with my head did I?” 

They both stayed quiet for a second as Yaku thought of what else to say. Before he could even get the chance to speak again though, Kuroo took a step back cringing slightly as he spoke. 

“Just, give me a minute.”

Yaku raised an eyebrow at him as he walked backwards before turning around and running towards the gym. 

Yaku sighed, rubbing his face with his hands before deciding that if Kuroo really wanted to stay that badly then he could stay. 

Right as Yaku was about to turn around and leave he watched Kuroo make a turn, not going in through the gym door but instead bending over the trashcan that sat beside it. 

Yaku’s expression changed, running over to the raven as concern and worry filled his features. 

Kuroo held onto the sides of the metal bin tightly, his knuckles turning white with force as he tried to keep himself steady. Yaku stood beside him, running his hand up and down the other’s spine trying to comfort him. 

“So that’s what’s wrong with you..” Yaku mumbled as he watched Kuroo’s arms shake slightly as he finally let go of the trashcan and stood upright, resting his back against the gym wall with closed eyes and uneven breath. 

“How long have you been sick?” Yaku asked as he pulled a water bottle from his own bag and gave it to the raven. 

“I don’t know, three weeks? Maybe a month.” Kuroo answered with little to no care while Yaku’s eyes were blown wide. 

“Kuroo that’s fuck up what the hell is wrong with you?!” Yaku asked, clearly concerned. 

“Do you think I don’t know that? I have the “oh my fucking god my stomach hurts so bad I’m gonna die” disease.” Kuroo joked, lifting himself off the wall as he rubbed his eyes with an empty laugh. 

“This is not funny Kuroo. Have you even eaten anything?” Yaku continued, clearly worried. 

“Nope. Every time I eat I just feel sick, so after a month I figured, why not just not eat at all?”

Kuroo spoke as if he was talking about the most insignificant thing he has ever talked about. He started walking away from the gym again, Yaku following close behind. 

“You’re not eating? Kuroo you’re joking right? You could die if you don’t eat anything are you that idiotic.”

Kuroo shrugged. “Let death take me then. Besides, not eating worked great for me the first two days.” 

Yaku stood infront of him, blockinf his way. “This is not a joke Kuroo.” He spoke, voice stern and daring as he looked up at the raven. 

“I know it’s not, but eventually I just stopped caring, is that so bad?” Kuroo dared back, looking down at the other. 

“That’s it, you’re coming with me.” Yaku spoke as he started to pull the other close behind him by the sleeve again. 

“Excuse me, what?” Kuroo spoke as he followed the other. 

“I’m not letting you go until you eat something.” 

“So you want me to puke all over your house, got it.” The raven joked, pushing the other over the thin edge of his patience.

“Kuroo.” 

He let go of his sleeve, looking back at him with daring eyes. “Do you understand what you just told me? You just said, you haven’t eaten in at least three days. You can’t keep anything down and your solution was not eating at all?” 

Kuroo looked at the man infront of him, watching as his hand reached towards his chest, pulling at the fabric underneath his shirt to let himself catch his breath properly. 

“Does anyone even know about this?” Yaku continued his assault, his eyes daring and pinning Kuroo down with nothing but his sharp gaze. 

“Kenma has some idea but not anyone else.” Kuroo answered, his voice seemed to be smaller, like he finally understood just how worried the other was, even if he seemed mad. 

Both of them had always acted like they hated eachother, the eternal bickering back and forth a strange mark they had for their friendship. 

They both cared for the other a lot even if they didn’t show it. Kuroo had the habit of getting most of the group out of the clubroom when Yaku needed to change without him asking him to. Yaku had always appreciated that, even if he never mentioned it. 

They knew eachother and understood how the other felt even if they never were as close as to having a relationship. They had they’re own little silent agreement to never speak of how much they truly cared. 

Yaku had his own way of being known as the team mom, even with his angry attitude and thin patience. He respected his teammates and was always there for them if they needed it. Kuroo was one to keep tabs on his team as well, using the excuse of “being the team captian” as the reason to why he cared so much, saying that it came with the job. 

Sometimes both of them were so busy with making sure the others were fine that they forgot to take care of themselves, or maybe they prefered to care of others than to pay attention to they’re own needs, getting both of them to the situation at hand. 

“I’m not letting you go alone.” 

Kuroo let out a sigh and rolled his eyes, acting like Yaku’s words had no impact on him, but Yaku knew better than to believe Kuroo’s careless expressions. 

“Fine then, mom.” 

Yaku let a small smirk make itself know on his lips as he turned around again, leading the way to his own home. 

“What about you? Why did you take a mental health day?” Kuroo broke the silence, deciding that if Yaku was already taking it upon himself to take care of him, then he might as well try and help him with his own problems. 

“It’s just one of those days.” Yaku answered. 

“Care to elaborate?” Kuroo pushed him, getting a short glare from the other man. “Come on, you know my dreaded “I’m slowly dying” secret now, tell me what’s wrong, it’s only fair.” 

“First of all, that’s not funny. Second, I dont know how to explain it. Besides, taking care of you makes me forget my own misery.” 

“Misery, that’s a strong word” Kuroo teased. 

Yaku chuckled, glancing up at the other only to find him looking down at him as well. 

“Jokes a side for a sec, you can talk to me y’know.” Kuroo offered, his all too rare serious and colected side showing. 

“I know.” Yaku answered, not being able to hold back the small smile that grew onto his lips. Silence enveloped them again as they got closer to Yaku’s house. 

Yaku felt as he slowly lost himself in his own thoughts again, that inking feeling of misplacement making it’s way up his spine like an unwanted parasite. 

His eyebrows knitted together in a scowl as he tried his best to fight his thoughts away again, the white noise of his own mind driving him into insanity. He rolled his hands into fists as they continued walking, his nails leaving small crescent red marks on his palms as they slowly broke into his skin. 

Kuroo glanced at the other, putting a hand on his shoulder softly in an attempt to bring his friend back to reality. “What did the floor do to deserve that glare, huh?” He joked, watching as Yaku’s hands relaxed and he looked back up at the man beside him. 

Yaku clicked his tongue at his statement and looked at his palms cringing at the marks left behind by his rage. He stuffed his hands into his pockets mumbling a quiet. “Nothing.”

“It’s not nothing if even the floor gets to feel your wrath.” Kuroo continued, getting a roll from the other’s eyes. 

They reached Yaku’s house as he pulled his keys out from his pocket and unlocked the front door. 

“Wait here, I’ll get you something to eat.” Yaku said, gesturing for Kuroo to sit at the table as he walked over to the kitchen. 

The raven did as he was told, knowing that Yaku clearly wasn’t in the mood for him to start contradicting him. He placed his bag down by his chair and pulled out his phone, scrolling silently as he listened to Yaku move things around in the kitchen. 

Not long after, Yaku came back with a couple of cookies and a glass of water. He set them down infront of Kuroo and looked at him expectantly. 

“What?” Kuroo asked as he lifted his gaze from his phone to meet the other’s. 

“What do you mean ‘what’? Eat you dumbass.” Yaku answered as he sat down on the chair opposite to the other. 

Kuroo sighed and picked up a cookie form the plate and stared at it, as if he was gathering the courage to put it in his mouth. Yaku waited for him, knowing that it clearly wasn’t easy for him. 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Yaku asked as he watched Kuroo have a staring contest with the cookie. “What do you mean?” Kuroo asked. 

“You’re skinnier, everyone thought you were working out on your own or something like that. I never would’ve thought your would be one to struggle with something like this..” The last part came more as a mumble, his eyebrows raising at Kuroo’s smirk. 

“Well we like to keep up appearances, don’t we Yaku?” The raven spoke, sounding almost like he was mocking him. 

That felt way too personal, sending as a shiver down his spine as he became all to aware of the tight fabric pressing against his god forsaken chest. 

Yaku clicked his tongue and stood up from his chair. “Eat the fucking food before I shove it down your throat.” He threatened, watching Kuroo’s smirk slip right off his face as he looked down at his hand. 

Kuroo glared up at him before taking a bite, giving Yaku a bittersweet smile as he visibly struggled to swallow. 

Yaku nodded, sitting back down. “Good.”

The raven eventually finished the few cookies Yaku had given him, shooting glares at him as he rested his back against the chair, looking up at the ceiling. 

“I feel like shit.” 

“You’ll feel better in a bit.” Yaku mumbled as he scrolled through his phone. 

“I want to puke.” 

Yaku looked up, watching the raven closely as he stared up at the ceiling. “Do you feel like you going to.. or do you want to..?” Yaku asked, his voice changing in tone, a light blanket of worry and concern covering it as he spoke. 

“At this point..” Kuroo started, closing his eyes as he wrapped his arms around his middle with a sigh. “I don’t know..” 

Yaku gave him a small smile, even if the other’s eyes were closed. “Drink that water, then come to the living room we’re watching that shitty movie you wont shut up about.” 

“It’s shitty in a good way!” Kuroo called after him as he walked up the stairs. 

Yaku walked into his room, getting a couple of blankets and taking them downstairs, keeping them far away from his chest. He walked back down the stairs, putting the blankets on a couch as he watched Kuroo follow him to the living room. 

“You’re house is incredibly big Yaku.” 

Yaku hummed in response before he threw himself on one end of the couch, covering himself up all the way to his neck. Kuroo sat on the other side of the couch as well, taking the remote and looking for the movie. 

He was right. The movie was really shitty. The acting was the worst, the script was terrible. It was so incredibly shitty that it was funny, one of the funniest movies Yaku had ever seen in fact. 

Kuroo’s hyena laugh filled the room a couple of times, Yaku mocking him for it as he tried to stop his own laughter, pulling at his binder from time to time to try and catch his breath. 

The raven noticed this, and after the third time he caught him doing it he dared ask. “Shouldn’t you take it off?” He asked, noticing how Yaku tensed up. 

“I’m not gonna take it off.” 

Yaku’s voice was cold as he covered himself up with his blanket again. 

“I don’t think that’s healthy, you’ve been wearing it all day.” Kuroo tried to convince him, watching as the other smirked. “Cause you are incredibly healthy, aren’t you Kuroo?” He said, taking it as payback for the raven’s previous statement at the table. 

Kuroo glared at him. “I’m just looking out for you damn it. You’ve been taking care of me all day. Besides, I know you can’t breathe in that thing, and to top it all off if you hurt yourself you won’t be able to play for a while.” He continued to try and persuade him. 

Yaku knew he was right. Yaku knew he had been wearing it for way too long. Yaku knew he should take it off. 

But he didn’t. 

“Sometimes we do unhealthy things for the wrong reasons but we do it anyways.” Yaku mumbled a reply, Kuroo looking over at the other again as he paused the movie. 

“I get it.” He said back, getting a small glance from Yaku. Kuroo stayed silent, waiting to see if Yaku had something else he had to say. 

“Do you ever feel like you aren’t yourself? Like when someone looks at you they see the complete opposite of what they should be seeing. Sometimes I feel like I’m just a floating head. No body. No appearance. I’m just, there. But then someone makes a remark or a joke and it’s like I’m sucked back into a prison cell.” Yaku spoke, he was aware that to Kuroo everything he was saying probably made no sense, and trying to explain what he was saying wouldnt really help either. All he wanted to do was talk. Say everything that was drowning him, even if it didn’t make sense. 

“I had to come out to Lev recently. I mean, it’s incredibly obvious and I really thought he would figure it out on his own. But then I remember that, well, he’s Lev.” Yaku continued. “It’s all just been going down hill from there.”

Kuroo listened carefully to everything he had to say, trying to think of how he could help him out. 

“I don’t think he gets it.” Yaku stopped talking, his hands holding onto the blanket on his lap even tighter. 

Kuroo gave him a sympathetic smile. “I don’t want to say I understand how you feel, because I don’t. I’ll never really know what it feels like to be you but I can tell you that I’m here for you. The whole team is here for you. And if Lev wont shut the fuck up, I can give him a little talk if you want.” 

Yaku gave him a small smile, his eyes stinging with the familiar feeling of tears. 

“Oh come on, don’t cry, that wasn’t the point.”  
Kuroo joked, with a small smile. 

Yaku chuckled, rubbing his eyes with his hands as he tried to regain his composure. 

“We’re both so broken it’s almost funny.” Kuroo said, glancing at his friend on the other side of the couch. 

“I know. But hey, at least we’re not alone right?” Yaku laughed at his own words. 

“Ew you sound like we’re in a romance movie or something.” The raven spoke, Yaku rolled his eyes at him yet the smile on his face didn’t waver. 

“Kuroo I hope you know I wont hesitate to kick that smirk off your face.” 

“There’s the libero we know and love.”


End file.
